The First Time I Lost Pammie

On the day before her 51st birthday, I've been thinking a lot about my sister and our relationship. I thought I would write about a fond moment some time in the past, but my mind kept going back to the day she told me that she was getting married...I was probably 10 years old, and I guess I knew it was coming, but her words still caught me off guard. I don't remember the words she said, but I remember my reaction...I was devastated. I cried and cried, and probably made her feel awful. I loved Julien, but I didn't want Pam to leave me. She was my best friend.

On that day, she also asked me to be her maid of honor. Later, as an adult, I have often wondered if she just made that decision right then to get me to stop crying. I never did ask her, but it worked. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about what a maid of honor did, from helping at the shower to moving the train to holding the bouquet during the vows. The thing is, even through my panic, Pam understood and brought me right back in. I never did lose her, because she kept her door open to me at all times. After the wedding Mom and I were always visiting her apartment, and she would come back home at least once a week for dinner or just to sit and talk. Our relationship never wavered...I always met her at the door with a hug and a kiss. She was a great hugger. :)

Now that she's really gone, I am working every day to keep our connection alive. For what she did for me, I owe her that. Happy birthday, my sister. You are "forever in my heart."