Talent

Most of the songs that Pam sang and taught me were ones she learned in Girl Scouts. I was also in the scouts in elementary school, but apparently many of the songs had changed by then. One year our troop had a Daddy-Daughter party (maybe for Valentine's Day?) that involved a talent show. Pam evidently thought that the "good old songs" should be resurrected, and she coached me on two of her favorites.

One, of course, was "I Have a Daisy on my Toe," complete with a construction paper daisy taped to my shoe. The other was a perennial favorite at family functions, "Fried Ham, Fried Ham." Now, I was no stranger to performing this song...at a very young age both my mom and my sis would gently shove me from behind towards an audience of cousins, aunts, uncles and/or neighbors and say, "Come on, Meggie-poo. Sing it." I don't believe I ever had any major stage fright, which might explain my choice of occupation (college instructor). The lyrics went like this...

Fried ham, fried ham,
Cheese and bologna.
After the macaroni
We'll have onions,
Pickles, and pretzels.
Then we'll have some more
Fried ham, fried ham, fried ham!

The funny part, though, is what comes next...Same song, same verse. Cowboy language and a whole lot worse. Then you repeat the song in a cowboy accent. I'm guessing I was 7 or 8, and I did cowboy language, monster language, and English accent. I brought down the house, the Daddies loved me.

Pam had this incredible way of instilling confidence in me, even as a little kid. I knew I could do it, because she told me I could.

The Answer Woman

I was talking to Steph yesterday about Pammie. I was saying that I have been thinking about her a lot because a few things have come up in recent weeks that I would have talked to Pammie about. When Eddie and I came home from a few days in North Carolina, Spike greeted us and WOW did he smell! It looked like he has an ear infection, but as it was New Years Eve, there was no Vet to be found. I was wondering what I should do and I thought, I bet Pam would have an idea. Having raised many dogs, she had an answer for every dog situation that I have ever had. She would recount how Atlas or Carol or Gypsy or Michael or etc.., had had that same problem and here is what to do.This week, Eddie was disappointed that he did not make the A team for his 7th grade school basketball team. If I had called Pam, firstly she would have been so upset for Eddie, she loved him! Then, she would have recounted how when Nick was in 7th grade, this happened and then that happened and then everything worked out OK. Or she might have told me about Steph trying out for Varsity tennis in high school and then making the JV team instead (which Steph shared with me). She had a million stories to help you through your problems.

I also miss planning with her. Holidays, trips to Michigan, vacations,birthday celebrations, we would be discussing and planning the year. Now that we will own the camp in Maine, I am sure she would have been planning to spend some time there, since she loved that camp and the time she spent there. The year now stretches out as a series of events that will happen for the first time without Pammie and somehow will not be as fun without her.

Unconditional Love

When I say my sister lived a generous life, that is an understatement. Pammie really knew the art of unconditional love. She NEVER fought with me. Even though I can remember being angry at her, she never had a bad word to say to me or about me. I think I once heard her refer to some unknown person as a "real jerk," and I'm sure they deserved it. But that's the strongest negative thing I ever heard her say about anybody.

She took a calligraphy class when I was pretty young...I remember her having pens and ink that I was not allowed to touch. I don't know whether it was for practice or for a project, but she wrote me a poem with frilly swirls and flowers around the edges, and it hung in my room for years.

Sisters are silly,
Sarcastic and sweet,
Some are to thin,
Or too fat, or too neat.
Others are sassy,
Or think they're divine,
But the best sis of all
Is the one that is mine.

I did not memorize the words on purpose, it's just that I kept it on my mirror, and looked at it every day. I'm glad I know it now, because that piece of paper is somewhere in a box in the basement, and I doubt I'll come across it anytime soon. In all of my life, I never for one moment doubted her love for me. I hope I can do the same for the people I love.

New Year's Toast

I don't exactly remember when Meg and Pam and I talked about this (many, many years ago),but one Christmas we were talking about not being together on New Year's Eve. So Pammie or Meg said that at midnight we should all just go outside (where ever we were) and just look up at the moon and the stars. If we all were doing it at the same time, we would actually be together for that moment. Isn't that a wonderful thought! So, at midnight tonight, me and Ed and Eddie and Spike went out on our front porch (with our champagne glasses) and looked at the beautiful sky. We couldn't see the moon, but the stars were amazing, even if it was 12 degrees and snow was on the ground. We toasted to Aunt Pammie. Happy New Year Pammie! We love you!

Love,
Aunt Eileen

On New Year's Eve

When Pam's kids were younger, I spent quite a few New Year's Eves "partying" at their place. Pam would buy a bunch of heat-and-serve hors d'oeuvres, and we would eat them in shifts through the night...pizza rolls at 8, pigs-in-a-blanket at 9, and so on. There was usually a cheese ball, and some flavor of sparkling juice so that we could pretend like we were drinking champagne. There was a box of hats and noisemakers that always appeared, and midnight was a flurry of jumping, screaming, confetti, and poking fun at Dick Clark. One year, apparently, somebody (whose arms are those in the background?) thought it would be cute to put a hat on Doreen (or is that Carol?)...she doesn't look amused. Now, Pam was never a "night person." As long as I can remember, she always went to bed quite early, and New Year's Eve was always a struggle for her. Some time after the 10 o'clock food, she would wrap herself up in the nearest blanket and start to drift off to sleep on the couch. She would make us promise to wake her at midnight, but that was never easy. She would grumpily sit up, give a half-hearted "Yippee," and kiss everyone on her way to bed. I was not surprised to find this picture of Pam and friends, at a raucous blast at their house in New Hampshire (year?). I'm not sure if this was taken before or after her New Year's Nap, but notice that she is not motivated to tell the dog to get off the coffee table...but now that I think of it, did she ever tell a dog to get off the coffee table anyway? Happy New Year, Pammie!

On Christmas Eve

There's a lot to be said for someone who will just dance...let loose, unembarrassed, worrying about nothing except having a good old time. Pammie would dance anytime, anywhere. Just turn on the music, and off she went.

Christmas Eves at the Clarks were always a blast, with the traditional food, drink, and visit by the Oswalds. Other neighbors came and went over the years, but the Clarks and Oswalds were ALWAYS together on Christmas Eve. One year Pam had the great idea of adding dancing to the party. She brought a CD from home and organized a raucous dance of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." It involved making giant rings with your arms, drumming imaginary drums, and twirling like a ballerina.

The idea was met with mixed reviews...some of us loved it, some of us not so much. But even the audience had a ball, laughing and rolling on the floor as we imitated the geese-a-laying. We probably did this 3 or 4 years in a row, with various people joining in or sitting out. One of the pics below even shows Stephanie in her "I don't know these people" phase, but I'm sure she danced with us at least once. I couldn't find a picture of it, but Paul Oswald joined in too at some point, with belly laughs and broken English.

I have to believe that Heaven is full of dancing. I'm not sure if the Angels do it differently than we did, maybe even reverently and with grace. But this Christmas, maybe Paulie and Pam are teaching them the basics, like how to balance on one foot as you imitate a partridge in a pear tree.

Christmas Eve's Gone By

I have been trying to remember the Christmas Eve's of my past (I sound like I should be in a Christmas Carol). When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was a quiet evening, my family celebrated Christmas Day. On Christmas Eve my father would come home from work at about 3pm and say, "Ok, let's go shopping for mommy's Christmas presents". So me and I think my sister would go to Macy's or Sears with my dad and help him pick out PJ's, a robe, slippers and maybe some jewelry. I then remember watching the Yule Log burn on Channel 9. I said it was quiet.
When I married Ed, I became a part of the Clark/Oswald Christmas Eve celebration. There were lots of presents, good OD's to eat (swedish meatball, little pizza's, little hot dogs, homemade cookies etc) and even for a year or 2 wild dancing to the 12 Days of Christmas (Pammie especially loved the crazy hand motions for each day). Then a few years ago, the Clark Christmas Eve celebration abruptly ended. Peg said it was too much work, we offered to help, but she declined to continue what I think had been going on for quite a few years before I came in. Pammie was quite upset that this traditon was ending. That first Christmas Eve without a place to go, I felt a little lost. We ended up going to a Christmas Eve kids service with our nieghbors (Jackie and Raul) and then going back to their house for a glass of wine. I thought, Ok, maybe we will do this now for Christmas Eve, but in the spring Jackie and Raul moved to Panama, so that ended that.
Then Pammie said she would like to host Christmas Eve at her house. We said great! She and Jul prepared mostly the same food, we had a few less people, but instead of crazy dancing, we had many crazy dogs to occupy us. So we now had a new place for Christmas Eve. Steph, Nick and Chris and Eddie were always up for games and it was always a fun time.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we sadly again find ourselves looking for the right place to be.
We (I actually) decided that we will go to Christmas Eve service at my church. We will sing Christmas Carols (I am sure I will cry), but it seems like the right place to be. Thank you Lord for always giving us a place to be when we feel lost.
Pammie this year talked about hosting this Christmas Eve. She had said she would cater food, because it would be easier and asked if we would come. I said "Pammie if you are hosting, I am coming".
I am grateful for the wonderful memories of Christmas Eve's gone by. Miss you, Auntie Pammie, Merry Christmas.

Love,

Auntie Eileen