"The Middle"-Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
[Chorus]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
<3 RIP to the nicest person I have ever known <3
Friday, November 19, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Almost 2 years
As we approach the 2nd anniversary of losing Pam, some things happened this week that I would like to share. Ed and Eddie and I have been going "The Blaze" at VanCortlandt Manor for the last few years. The Blaze is approx 4,000 carved pumpkins in every different design you could imagine (fish, dinosaurs, flowers, faces, hands, cats, spiders, pirates, etc). This year, I saw 2 pumpkins that were angels. I have never before seen an angel pumpkin at the Blaze. Of course angels remind me of Pammie and there were 2 of them (out of 4,000 pumpkins!).
In the last few weeks I have been trying to organize 20+ years of photos that I have been keeping in boxes. Last week I thought that I had found all the pictures that had been stored all over my house and I organized them by year (no easy task!).
Last night as I was looking for sleeping bag for a friend of Eddie's who was sleeping over, I went into a closet in my guest room and noticed that there were at least 5 more boxes of pictures in the bottom of the closet. Very discouraged that I would need to do more sorting, I opened the first box and what was the first picture I saw? Auntie Pammie standing in Meg's kitchen smiling (I think she was cleaning-how appropriate). It was from one of many trips to Michigan. The picture made me stop and think how many good times I had with Pam and how much I have lost without her in my life. It made me smile to see her, but sad that she is not here.
2 years is not a long time. Pam will be missed forever. I have accepted the fact that she is not here, but it still feels like there is a gigantic hole in our family that will never close. Reminders and memories of Pam will be popping up forever and I will be watching and thankful for every one.
In the last few weeks I have been trying to organize 20+ years of photos that I have been keeping in boxes. Last week I thought that I had found all the pictures that had been stored all over my house and I organized them by year (no easy task!).
Last night as I was looking for sleeping bag for a friend of Eddie's who was sleeping over, I went into a closet in my guest room and noticed that there were at least 5 more boxes of pictures in the bottom of the closet. Very discouraged that I would need to do more sorting, I opened the first box and what was the first picture I saw? Auntie Pammie standing in Meg's kitchen smiling (I think she was cleaning-how appropriate). It was from one of many trips to Michigan. The picture made me stop and think how many good times I had with Pam and how much I have lost without her in my life. It made me smile to see her, but sad that she is not here.
2 years is not a long time. Pam will be missed forever. I have accepted the fact that she is not here, but it still feels like there is a gigantic hole in our family that will never close. Reminders and memories of Pam will be popping up forever and I will be watching and thankful for every one.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Importance of Aunts
I found out yesterday that my wonderful Aunt Maureen has advanced lung cancer and is very close to the end of her life. Aunt Maureen was married to my mother's brother, Harry. They had six children - Monica, Cathy, Francis, John, Peter and Jacqueline. It makes me sad to think of what they are going through now. My Aunt is in the hospital in Staten Island, her children keeping a vigil. One of my other cousin's, Terry's daughter is getting married today in NJ. Our family was so looking forward to a fun family occaision to celebrate. Now the wedding will be without my cousins and my Aunt.
When we were younger, we always celebrated the Holidays with my Uncle Harry and Aunt Maureen and their family. The night before Thanksgiving, my mom and Aunt Maureen would get together at our house and make homemade stuffing, creamed onions and various other side dishes (most of which I now buy!). My Aunt would always be cooking with her cigarette in one hand and her Cosmopolitan in the other. She always looked happy. As I got older and realized what a difficult life my Aunt had had, I admired her all the more. She had TB as a child, raised 6 kids in a small apartment in Brooklyn, did not drive, had her mother-in-law live with them for a while and for many years my Uncle Harry was a raging alcoholic. But what really connects me, is that my Aunt Maureen also helped to raise her niece and nephew, Maryellen and Terry, after their mom (her sister-in-law_Mary) died when they were barely teenagers. She (and my mom) were always there to help them with school and life, ups and downs. I know, from my cousins, that having their Aunts was really life saving. Keeping them a part of a family when there world had fallen apart.
To bring this fully around, how can I not be thinking of Auntie Pammie? In Eddie's world, she was his favorite and his biggest cheerleader. It always makes me sad that Emma and Michael will not know the wonder of Auntie Pam. I will try to be an extra fun Aunt for them.
I also hope that Chris and Nick and Steph know that Aunt Eileen is always here if they need.
Here's to all the Aunt's in the world and how much we love them!!!
When we were younger, we always celebrated the Holidays with my Uncle Harry and Aunt Maureen and their family. The night before Thanksgiving, my mom and Aunt Maureen would get together at our house and make homemade stuffing, creamed onions and various other side dishes (most of which I now buy!). My Aunt would always be cooking with her cigarette in one hand and her Cosmopolitan in the other. She always looked happy. As I got older and realized what a difficult life my Aunt had had, I admired her all the more. She had TB as a child, raised 6 kids in a small apartment in Brooklyn, did not drive, had her mother-in-law live with them for a while and for many years my Uncle Harry was a raging alcoholic. But what really connects me, is that my Aunt Maureen also helped to raise her niece and nephew, Maryellen and Terry, after their mom (her sister-in-law_Mary) died when they were barely teenagers. She (and my mom) were always there to help them with school and life, ups and downs. I know, from my cousins, that having their Aunts was really life saving. Keeping them a part of a family when there world had fallen apart.
To bring this fully around, how can I not be thinking of Auntie Pammie? In Eddie's world, she was his favorite and his biggest cheerleader. It always makes me sad that Emma and Michael will not know the wonder of Auntie Pam. I will try to be an extra fun Aunt for them.
I also hope that Chris and Nick and Steph know that Aunt Eileen is always here if they need.
Here's to all the Aunt's in the world and how much we love them!!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Eddie's Science Award
My wonderful son, Eddie, won the Science Award at the 8th grade Awards Night in early June. We were surprised (as was Eddie) when they called his name. I was so excited for him! When we got home, I called my mom and emailed various friends and family members to brag about Eddie. Then as we were sitting down in our family room, after celebrating with ice cream sodas, I said to Eddie and Ed that I was really missing Auntie Pam because she would have been screaming with pride for Eddie's accomplishment. She was the best person to tell when you had good news! She always gave you that over the top reaction. Eddie said to me that she knew and was screaming, just in another place. I think he was right.
June Family Weekend
Meg and Emma came to NY for a visit last weekend. Peg, Steph, Chris, Nikki and Kerri all came to our house for a visit. Nick is in ARMY bootcamp in Kentucky and was very much missed. We ate and drank and swam in the pool. We did a family craft - Tie die tee shirts. It was so fun! And the shirts came out amazingly beautiful. I always think about Pam during these special family times. How much fun she would have had! I thank Pam for the incredible sense of the importance of family that she passed on to her children. Steph and Chris clearly value family get togethers. I think there are lots of people,in their 20's, who would have done other things rather than spending time with family on a beautiful June weekend.
Pam is always with us in spirit when we are all together. We did a family photo to send to Nick to show him how much we miss him. Pam would have been crying with happiness that we were reaching out to her son.
Sometimes I marvel that our family has been able to keep going since we lost Pam. And then I think that is exactly what Pam would have wanted us to do - stay together, have fun and be there for each other. Thank you Pammie!
Pam is always with us in spirit when we are all together. We did a family photo to send to Nick to show him how much we miss him. Pam would have been crying with happiness that we were reaching out to her son.
Sometimes I marvel that our family has been able to keep going since we lost Pam. And then I think that is exactly what Pam would have wanted us to do - stay together, have fun and be there for each other. Thank you Pammie!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
.jpg)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Kookaburra
We would sing...all the time, when I was little. Pam taught me every song she knew. She especially liked "rounds", where one person starts singing and then the other joins in later. There was one that went like this...
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra,
Gay your life must be.
We would sing it over and over again, and I loved it...even though I had no idea what a kookaburra was. Then, many, many years later, we went to Discovery Cove in Sea World to swim with the dolphins...Nick, Pam, Stephanie and me. Part of our experience was drifting on a man-made river to an aviary, where we fed birds...sort of. Mostly Pam just squealed and jumped and made crazy faces as the birds tried to snag the food she was clutching with white knuckles. Oh, and there we met a kookaburra, live and laughing at us. It was one of those "Aha" moments for both of us and we probably scared the thing to death shouting, "Oh my GOD! That's a KOOKABURRA!" And I'm pretty sure that Pam sang to it.
On Thursday last week I took a trip to the local zoo to make sure that my Friday field trip was all set. I was just leaving the bird and reptile house when I spotted the kookaburra staring at me. Nobody was around, so I said, "Hi." He just tilted his head, so I started to walk away. Then he let out this laugh, like, ear an splitting and floor shaking laugh. I just turned and watched him...and when he was done I looked up at the ceiling, fully expecting to see heaven. In those moments, I feel her as though she is standing right next to me, smiling and laughing....of course.
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree.
Merry, merry king of the bush is he.
Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra,
Gay your life must be.
We would sing it over and over again, and I loved it...even though I had no idea what a kookaburra was. Then, many, many years later, we went to Discovery Cove in Sea World to swim with the dolphins...Nick, Pam, Stephanie and me. Part of our experience was drifting on a man-made river to an aviary, where we fed birds...sort of. Mostly Pam just squealed and jumped and made crazy faces as the birds tried to snag the food she was clutching with white knuckles. Oh, and there we met a kookaburra, live and laughing at us. It was one of those "Aha" moments for both of us and we probably scared the thing to death shouting, "Oh my GOD! That's a KOOKABURRA!" And I'm pretty sure that Pam sang to it.
On Thursday last week I took a trip to the local zoo to make sure that my Friday field trip was all set. I was just leaving the bird and reptile house when I spotted the kookaburra staring at me. Nobody was around, so I said, "Hi." He just tilted his head, so I started to walk away. Then he let out this laugh, like, ear an splitting and floor shaking laugh. I just turned and watched him...and when he was done I looked up at the ceiling, fully expecting to see heaven. In those moments, I feel her as though she is standing right next to me, smiling and laughing....of course.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
