This Fall

It is officially Fall. I have been thinking a lot about Pam in recent days. Last Fall was when Pammie told us that her cancer had spread and that there were to be no more chemo treatments. I don't remember the leaves changing last year, We didn't go to Eddie's parent teacher conferences and really all I can think that I did was worry about Pammie and cry.
The Fall days last year passed by in between visits to Pam. I went up about once a week .I would have gone more often, but Pam said I must have better things to do with my time. I told her that nothing was better than spending time with her and I told her I was going to miss her so much. I told her that I loved her and that the trips that we took to Michigan were some of the funnest times that I ever had.
I am feeling anxious about the approach of the first anniversary of Pammie's passing. I am being reminded of the horrific struggle that she had and how amazingly she handled it. I want to remember the full of life Pam, not the Pam on her way to leaving us. I am hoping that after Nov 19, the happy Pammie thoughts will come back.

Love you and miss you Pammie!

Auntie Eileen

Science Sisters

Pam loved to talk about science. In all of the different teacher's aide's positions she had, she just thrived whenever they asked her to help with science. She was constantly asking me questions about wildlife and ecology...quite often well outside my realm of expertise. One time she asked me about birds on a wire. Why, she wanted to know, did birds always sit in the same direction? She would see these huge flocks of birds sitting up there near her house, and they were always facing one way.

We talked about it for a while, and decided that maybe it had something to do with the wind, or the fact that they were flying in the same direction when they all landed. Since I wasn't sure of the real answer, I told her about something that I did know. I explained Occam's Razor...simply stated, the simplest explanation is probably the correct one. I told her the classic, "if you hear hoof beats, think horses, not zebras." Pam loved it. She asked why she hadn't heard of it before. Over the course of other conversations, she would bring up Occam's Razor anytime we had a problem we couldn't figure out...although I don't think she ever got the pronunciation right.

She was a born teacher, as I'm sure all of her students experienced. And she was a born learner, ready and open for all ideas that came her way from others. She looked to me as an expert, and I loved her for that.

The thoughtful Auntie Pammie

Eddie and I have been on a massive house cleaning in the last 2 weeks. Eddie's room was particularly in need. We went through books from kindergarden to 7th grade. We found a number of books that Pam had given Eddie, that were signed by the author. She went to bookfairs and author talks at her school and always thought about Eddie when she thought the book would interest him. Needless to say, the books are staying.
I just found today a Cablevision tote bag that Pammie had written Eddie's name on, in her original style. The bag contained markers, a color paper memo pad, a glow sketch, mad libs book, old maid cards, a book called "Help, I'm Bored", a 3D paint set, a green match box car, 2 plastic sharks, a diver and a plastic eel. I'm guessing she put this together for Eddie for one of our car trips to Michigan. She wanted to make sure that Eddie never lacked for something to do! How thoughtful of her to worry about Eddie and get all this stuff for him. She had stuff for him on every trip we took. One time, when we were flying to Michigan (I think it was Labor Day weekend), one of the activities that Pammie packed was an etching set, complete with a very sharp etching tool. I have no idea how that got past security! This stuff has made me happy and sad today. She was so wonderful and a great Auntie!