Little tree in a pot. With ornaments.

Aunt Eileen came over yesterday. I'd promised mommy long ago that I'd make sure the house was decorated, and I'd recruited Aunt Eileen to help, because she's just plain great at stuff like that. While mom usually went all out for Christmas decorating, we decided it'd be a bit less overwhelming if we kept it simple, but keeping mom-esque feel. Aunt Meg had helped mom buy a beautiful (seriously, it looks gorgeous) little tree. It's small and potted, and we put it on a little table (with a star tablecloth mommy picked out) in front of the window. The tree is small, so it couldn't hold a lot of ornaments. Christmas ornaments a a really important part of the D/C/E family tradition, made more so when a few years ago the women in the family started giving each other ornaments with significance. We never had too many fancy ornaments growing up, as mom much preferred still using the ones we used our whole lives, mostly the ones me the brothers made growing up. Since it wasn't even a conceivable option to not put out ornaments, I found that the ribbon tied around the base of the tree's pot was sufficient enough to hang some ornaments off of. Again, it's small, so I had to be selective. Here's the one's that made the cut;

- The "Chris" Ornament - An ornament Chris made probably at the age of 4 or 5, a cardboard wheel with painted macaroni pasted to it, tied with yarn

- The "Stephanie" Ornament - Basically an ornament I'd made in 1st or second grade, consisting of picture of me, framed with popsicle sticks.

-The "Nick" Ornament - Much like my own, his was a picture of himself pasted to some sort of laminated paper he'd colored on. This is absolutely one of my favorite ornaments ever. Most of you knew Nick as a kid, for those who don't, imagine probably the cutest 4/5 year old ever, with a honkin' pair of glasses. Seriously, cutest kid ever. No, I'm serious.

-The "Snot" Ornament - OK, no, we're not that gross people. We had this set of glow in the dark plastic"icicle" ornaments as kids, but have since lost the glow after probably 20 odd years. So, the snot part. These ornaments look like big boogers. My brothers and I found this to be the best part of decorating, and I recollect the tree of us all but elbowing and clothes-lining each other to get to these snot-sicles. Whoever got it would hide it in their hands, and proceed "sneezing" and flicking the 4 others with the snot-sicle.

While decorating a tree won't ever be the same, I cant help but think that mom would be pretty darn happy with the job we did.

-The "Emma" Ornament -This is a little circle/bell shaped piece of wood little cousin Emma painted last year. My mom loved this little girl like you can't even imagine, and, the kid's a friggin' genius, so I'm pretty sure the ornament will be worth money some day.

-The "Wedding" Ornament - As part of the ornament trade, the Christmas after Aunt Meg got married made an amazing wedding themed ornament. It's a glass ball with ribbons inside that go along with the colors of her wedding. Actually, they may be ribbon actually from her wedding, but Aunt Meg will have to validate that statement, as i often daydream things and believe them to be true.

-The "Chair" Ornament - On a trip to Michigan to visit the Elias' I'd missed, the family painted old chairs with designs, to use as garden decor and elsewhere. I guess this was a pretty significant thing, because that year at the ornament trade, both Aunt Eileen and Mommy made chair ornaments for everyone. The one hanging up is one cousin Eddie made.

-The "Seapoint" Ornament - Off and on for the 5 or 6 years, my family has been venturing to Seapoint Village near Cape May for vacations. Sometimes it was everyone, sometimes it was some of us, but these vacations are just plain awesome. One particular year, I was boogie-boarding, and I looked back and had the company of a few dolphins. Yes, I tend to exaggerate things (a gift from mom), but, in all seriousness, these dolphins were under my feet. It was awesome.That year at Christmas, I believe it was Aunt Eileen (fact check?) who gave out glass dolphin ornaments.

-The "First" Ornament - This wasn't hung on the tree, but on the window, where my mom tended to leave out some of her favorite ornaments. There are about 10 or 15 scattered around the frame, that you cant even notice unless you really look. On the window, we hung a little silver bag with "Christmas 1981," which I had no idea what that meant. It was the year mommy and daddy got married.


Though Christmas decorating just can't be the same with mommy, it helps to think that I know she'd be extremely happy with the job we'd done.

Flapjacks

Because she was 12 when I was born, Pam loved to take care of me like I was her little girl. She tried to make everything fun...I was reminded of this when I made pancakes on Saturday morning. When the little dribbles on the skillet got crispy, I gave them to Emma and told her they were teeny, tiny, baby pancakes. Way back when Pam made them for me, she would try to flip over even the smallest drops of batter, so she could put a little pile of them on my plate.

Sometimes she even added food coloring to make the meal interesting. One time, we were out of orange and red, so she used green. Apparently she didn't foresee the problem I would have eating green pancakes...I must have been 5 or 6, and I remember looking at them on my plate and feeling queasy. I ate them, but it was not a happy breakfast. Pam kept telling me there was nothing wrong with them. I saw her put the coloring in, but it bothered me...especially the way the green mush spread into the syrup. Immediately after I finished, I had to run to the bathroom to get sick. Yes, I puked up the "bad" pancakes!

Pam rarely teased me, but I do remember that she made fun of me for a long time after that one. Maybe next time I'll make Emma some pink ones...definitely not green, or even worse, blue! Blech.

This Morning...

Was the first day I woke up and cried because I missed mommy. Neither this day nor this date is significant. It is no different than yesterday, and the same as tomorrow. I struggle with not being angry that she left me. I miss her most in the morning.

On the topic of Angels...

Mommy loved angels. Aunt M and E took their favorites from my parent's to remember mommy, believe me, mommy has so many angels, I cant even tell which ones went M.I.A. I had this guilt for a few days for not having a particular one I wanted, and if I did, where the heck would I really put it? Leaving my parents the other day, I'd spotted one that all but screamed my name. It's a corner angel, and mommy had it resting on the corner of the giant window in the living room. Without knowing it before, daddy told me he'd bought this for mommy years ago. I took the angel back to my aparmtnet, and put it up right above my bedroom doorway, near the foot of my bed. It's the first thing I see when I wake up, and the last thing I see before bed. Though I've seen this angel and countless other throughout my life, maybe it took me loosing mine to realize how incredibly beautiful they are.

Christmas Angels

Today, I was helping to set up for the Christmas sale at the Thrift Shop where I volunteer once a week. Auntie Pammie loved to come to the shop and browse and especially enjoyed the Christmas Sale where she could pick up LOTS of Christmas stuff for her kids . As I was unpacking boxes today, I noticed that there seemed to be lots of Angels -ornaments, ceramic figures, dolls. Maybe there are always lots of angels, but I am noticing more now. Auntie Pammie loved her angels. We also had more help today setting up then we have had in the past few years and we call these helpers our angels. Maybe Pammie sent the angels as her way of being with us at the sale. Love you Auntie Pammie!
egc

Hiker Man, Coming Thru.

Mommy was in love with all things Appalachian Trail. Detailing his journey along the trail, Bryson’s “A Walk in the Woods” is what sent my mom into Appalachian fever. Though I didn’t get to experience too many of the hikes with her, she’d gotten to do a few short hikes with my Aunt M and Aunt E (insert other family member names here) the years before she passed away. On one hike I had missed, the fams crossed paths with a thru-hiker, my mother completely enthralled, asking him question after question about his trek. My mother was relentless about me reading “A Walk in the Woods,” and although I am a picky reader, I finally gave in and started reading it a few months ago. Though I haven’t finished it, I wish I could have been there, because I have dozens of questions for mister mysterious hiker man.

Driving home the other day, I realized there is a small part of the road that "the trail" cuts across. Now, I use the term "the trail" loosely because I don’t actually know if it's the Appalachian trail, but a trail nonetheless. That should theoretically count for the integrity of the story, correct? So anyways, said trail, said road, the point is that the car in front of me was stopped. A hiker man with a large pack, sleeping bag and everything hanging off, was crossing the road. I’ve driven that road an unbelievable amount of times, never once seeing anyone cross at the junction. Although I hope it’s not the same hiker man my mom met (for he would have to had been going in circles for some time), I like the signs mommy sends me to let me know she’s just “passing thru.”

Christmas Shopping

I do not like to shop...but my sister? She LOVED it...shopping for gifts, cards, craft junkamola, you name it. She spent many hours over the last few months in bed, poring over catalogs and making lists for Christmas. This was a good substitute for the real thing, and she seemed to truly enjoy picking out just the right thing for each person.

So yesterday I started my own Christmas shopping, and I did it with Pammie in mind. I started a list in a little notebook, and I tried to embrace the giving spirit of the holiday. After the kids went to bed, I sat down and did some online shopping, and I bought some gifts for my husband that my sister helped me pick out just a week before she passed away. In the next few weeks, I hope to give up some of the "burden" that holiday shopping seems to be, and enjoy it for her.