I just figured out how to play my IPOD thru my car stereo (yes, I am slow with technology). I have had to drive to Brooklyn a few times in the past few days, so I have had a lot of time to listen to music. On my IPOD is, of course, The Sound of Music soundtrack (no laughing). As I was singing out loud to Do-Re-Me and the Lonely Goatherd, I swear I could feel Pam sitting next to me and singing along! Seriously, I felt like if I reached over, I could touch her! Some things will always bring Pam's spirit right to me. How nice that it is music and it made me smile.
Love you Miss Pammy!!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Happy Birthday Pam!
Happy Birthday Pam!
May your birthday party menu in heaven consist of nothing but coffee loaded with sugar, ice cream sodas and Milano cookies!
xoxoxo always.
May your birthday party menu in heaven consist of nothing but coffee loaded with sugar, ice cream sodas and Milano cookies!
xoxoxo always.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
My Birthday
Today is my birthday. I will never stop missing and wishing for that Happy Birthday call from Pam.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
'Care Packages" for Nick
I am reminded that when Eddie was about 10 years old, he was going to his first sleepaway camp. He was leaving on Monday morning, coming home on Friday night and then going back on the following Monday. Somewhat of an easy way to adjust to being away from home by coming home on the weekends. When I told Pam about it, she was all excited for him and asked if she could have his address at camp. Of course I gave it to her and we had a long talk about what to do if Eddie was homesick. Well, Eddie was only at camp for 10 days and Pam sent him 2 cards and a package! She wanted him to know how much he was loved while he was at camp.
Since Nick left for Afghanistan last month, my dining room table has become a staging area to prepare my care packages for him. Candy, cookies, gum, chocolate bars, granola bars, cereal,etc.. I will try to send a package every few weeks. I know that if Pam were with us, she would be mailing something at least once a week(if not every day!). I want Nick to know that we are thinking of him and that we love him . I do this for our family and for Pammie.
Since Nick left for Afghanistan last month, my dining room table has become a staging area to prepare my care packages for him. Candy, cookies, gum, chocolate bars, granola bars, cereal,etc.. I will try to send a package every few weeks. I know that if Pam were with us, she would be mailing something at least once a week(if not every day!). I want Nick to know that we are thinking of him and that we love him . I do this for our family and for Pammie.
Friday, November 19, 2010
"The Middle"
"The Middle"-Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
[Chorus]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
<3 RIP to the nicest person I have ever known <3
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
[Chorus]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
[Chorus x2]
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
<3 RIP to the nicest person I have ever known <3
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Almost 2 years
As we approach the 2nd anniversary of losing Pam, some things happened this week that I would like to share. Ed and Eddie and I have been going "The Blaze" at VanCortlandt Manor for the last few years. The Blaze is approx 4,000 carved pumpkins in every different design you could imagine (fish, dinosaurs, flowers, faces, hands, cats, spiders, pirates, etc). This year, I saw 2 pumpkins that were angels. I have never before seen an angel pumpkin at the Blaze. Of course angels remind me of Pammie and there were 2 of them (out of 4,000 pumpkins!).
In the last few weeks I have been trying to organize 20+ years of photos that I have been keeping in boxes. Last week I thought that I had found all the pictures that had been stored all over my house and I organized them by year (no easy task!).
Last night as I was looking for sleeping bag for a friend of Eddie's who was sleeping over, I went into a closet in my guest room and noticed that there were at least 5 more boxes of pictures in the bottom of the closet. Very discouraged that I would need to do more sorting, I opened the first box and what was the first picture I saw? Auntie Pammie standing in Meg's kitchen smiling (I think she was cleaning-how appropriate). It was from one of many trips to Michigan. The picture made me stop and think how many good times I had with Pam and how much I have lost without her in my life. It made me smile to see her, but sad that she is not here.
2 years is not a long time. Pam will be missed forever. I have accepted the fact that she is not here, but it still feels like there is a gigantic hole in our family that will never close. Reminders and memories of Pam will be popping up forever and I will be watching and thankful for every one.
In the last few weeks I have been trying to organize 20+ years of photos that I have been keeping in boxes. Last week I thought that I had found all the pictures that had been stored all over my house and I organized them by year (no easy task!).
Last night as I was looking for sleeping bag for a friend of Eddie's who was sleeping over, I went into a closet in my guest room and noticed that there were at least 5 more boxes of pictures in the bottom of the closet. Very discouraged that I would need to do more sorting, I opened the first box and what was the first picture I saw? Auntie Pammie standing in Meg's kitchen smiling (I think she was cleaning-how appropriate). It was from one of many trips to Michigan. The picture made me stop and think how many good times I had with Pam and how much I have lost without her in my life. It made me smile to see her, but sad that she is not here.
2 years is not a long time. Pam will be missed forever. I have accepted the fact that she is not here, but it still feels like there is a gigantic hole in our family that will never close. Reminders and memories of Pam will be popping up forever and I will be watching and thankful for every one.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Importance of Aunts
I found out yesterday that my wonderful Aunt Maureen has advanced lung cancer and is very close to the end of her life. Aunt Maureen was married to my mother's brother, Harry. They had six children - Monica, Cathy, Francis, John, Peter and Jacqueline. It makes me sad to think of what they are going through now. My Aunt is in the hospital in Staten Island, her children keeping a vigil. One of my other cousin's, Terry's daughter is getting married today in NJ. Our family was so looking forward to a fun family occaision to celebrate. Now the wedding will be without my cousins and my Aunt.
When we were younger, we always celebrated the Holidays with my Uncle Harry and Aunt Maureen and their family. The night before Thanksgiving, my mom and Aunt Maureen would get together at our house and make homemade stuffing, creamed onions and various other side dishes (most of which I now buy!). My Aunt would always be cooking with her cigarette in one hand and her Cosmopolitan in the other. She always looked happy. As I got older and realized what a difficult life my Aunt had had, I admired her all the more. She had TB as a child, raised 6 kids in a small apartment in Brooklyn, did not drive, had her mother-in-law live with them for a while and for many years my Uncle Harry was a raging alcoholic. But what really connects me, is that my Aunt Maureen also helped to raise her niece and nephew, Maryellen and Terry, after their mom (her sister-in-law_Mary) died when they were barely teenagers. She (and my mom) were always there to help them with school and life, ups and downs. I know, from my cousins, that having their Aunts was really life saving. Keeping them a part of a family when there world had fallen apart.
To bring this fully around, how can I not be thinking of Auntie Pammie? In Eddie's world, she was his favorite and his biggest cheerleader. It always makes me sad that Emma and Michael will not know the wonder of Auntie Pam. I will try to be an extra fun Aunt for them.
I also hope that Chris and Nick and Steph know that Aunt Eileen is always here if they need.
Here's to all the Aunt's in the world and how much we love them!!!
When we were younger, we always celebrated the Holidays with my Uncle Harry and Aunt Maureen and their family. The night before Thanksgiving, my mom and Aunt Maureen would get together at our house and make homemade stuffing, creamed onions and various other side dishes (most of which I now buy!). My Aunt would always be cooking with her cigarette in one hand and her Cosmopolitan in the other. She always looked happy. As I got older and realized what a difficult life my Aunt had had, I admired her all the more. She had TB as a child, raised 6 kids in a small apartment in Brooklyn, did not drive, had her mother-in-law live with them for a while and for many years my Uncle Harry was a raging alcoholic. But what really connects me, is that my Aunt Maureen also helped to raise her niece and nephew, Maryellen and Terry, after their mom (her sister-in-law_Mary) died when they were barely teenagers. She (and my mom) were always there to help them with school and life, ups and downs. I know, from my cousins, that having their Aunts was really life saving. Keeping them a part of a family when there world had fallen apart.
To bring this fully around, how can I not be thinking of Auntie Pammie? In Eddie's world, she was his favorite and his biggest cheerleader. It always makes me sad that Emma and Michael will not know the wonder of Auntie Pam. I will try to be an extra fun Aunt for them.
I also hope that Chris and Nick and Steph know that Aunt Eileen is always here if they need.
Here's to all the Aunt's in the world and how much we love them!!!
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